Rika's personal blog

Happy New Year 2012

2011-12-31T19:41:00.000Z

This is the 5th Christmas gone by, since the start of the IL website, and what five years those have been. The first three years were all about documenting what I did in my sport and what I learned about people, myself and life in general. Then I turned the site into a series of blogs. Incredible Ladies became the Incredible Ladies Project, and the focus turned to the search for something substantial, the search for a sustainable future and a challenge which actually may make me a living. Writing became and still is my big passion. I am however writing memoir rather than novel and however much I like doing it, there have been times during which I had to skip. Some things are just too personal to write about in the present time; they need to slide into the past far enough to see them embedded in a bigger picture, to then be able to depict them honestly and with wit.Those things consume a lot of energy and distract the mind from seeing the awkwardness and the witty sparkle in every day situations, making it hard to write about those as well. I guess that distinguishes a good writer from an average or bad one. The good writer just sits down and labours through it. I need my brain free of distraction to see the inspiration of the moment to be able to write, like during this Christmas break. Hence for the good part of 2011 the blogs had a bit of a time-out.

I instead tried to focus on my second love: Bodybuilding. I decided to become a personal trainer!

Well, for the same reasons as for the writing, this is posing a bit of a challenge, too. Life really is the weirdest of things: For 2011 I had set myself challenges to make it the most remarkable and most memorable year of my life. I did this wonderful trip into the rainforest, I did the bodybuilding competition and I had organised a great party. The year I would become 50 was supposed to be MY year... funnily enough at the end of the year it doesn't feel like that, something else stole my thunder and I don't even know what it is.

I guess the premise was wrong, too: Thinking that achieving something by a certain age would make the achieved even better, bigger, nicer... Well, apparently the pedestal I wanted to be on was not deserved yet, or it was not the right one anyway.

Now the New Year is upon us and for me it feels like a crunch time year. This might be the year that will ask me: 'either' - 'or'. I have been doing a lot of things which I call challenges and which others might not even consider worth talking about. Those things however, have led me to a point at which to decide what sort of life I want to live in the future. So far I could juggle things both ways: I was not entirely the 'gardening, DIYing, party throwing, house and pets maintaining Me' anymore, but I was not the 'business owning, hard working and focused on the future Me' either.

2011 showed as well, that if I want my dreams come true I cannot balance it all anymore; I am tired before I even properly started - something's gotta give. This however sounds easier than it is. This is not about cooking a bit less often to gain time for a sewing course, this is about doing something very time consuming entirely on my own. This is about giving up a rewarding, good, and safe life, for a potentially equally rewarding, rather exhausting, risky, yet exciting life.

For me 2012 will have be the year of focus!

What friends are for

2011-03-29T07:13:00.000+01:00

The other day I received a phone call from a friend who needed a shoulder to cry on. Mine are quite big, so I seemed to be a natural choice. We talked a bit and although she was laughing in the end I was not sure if I was able to give her what she needed, and hence it kept me thinking.

I guess we all know those moments when something happens that engages us emotionally to such a high level, that the brain just shuts off and becomes mushy. Thoughts are manifold and whizzing fast, and the one thought that we think might bring relief is always only just escaping our grasp and is floating away in the stream of all the others. Usually we cry our eyes out, if we look into the mirror we don't see anything that would make us feel better, we usually take some random action in the hope to make it stop, and more often than not the action we have decided upon taking is something silly and the whole cycle is starting all over again. But worst of all: One is feeling really alone!

Whenever I was in a situation like this I felt utterly convinced that only I have ever done such a stupid, stupid thing, that those things are only happening to me because I am a magnet for that sort of misery, and that I probably deserve it.

This is the time when one is in need of a friend!

See, and this is what kept me thinking. In a moment and a mood like this: Is there a way to find out which friend to call? Is it possible to find this one marble in that mushy brain that is still in working order, to find out which of all the friends would be the most capable of providing help?

When I received this phone call I remembered how often I was frustrated after having spoken with people about my problems. I had one good friend who always said the right thing, but when she was not around I was screwed.

Detlef was sweet, but despite his big shoulders a bit helpless in cases of emotions running high. Blokes do things differently. They buy a gadget to show off to their friend, or they go to the football field and play a bit more aggressively than usual: Their status is restored and they are fine. We girls resolve our issues by talking and only very few men pull that off. Should you know such a specimen: Cherish it! They are worth gold!

And then there were people like my mother in law. Well, she was not necessarily a friend in the girly sense, but a woman, and she had experience... Well, from her I usually got full on advice... which is not working when one is overwhelmed by all sorts of body chemicals causing the brain to melt.

I however realise that I am becoming more and more like her, whereas in the early days I used to be like my best friend. What has happened? Could or should I change back? Or have I just become useless in those things?

I now think I have figured it out.

There are three possible responses to emotional turmoil:

Pity - Compassion - An outside view

... and in order to visualise which impact those three have on the distraught soul, please let us imagine that life is like going down a white-water in a raft. There are nice and lovely banks, with calm water, everything is running smoothly and life is good, and then there are rapids. They are good, they are challenges, one will have to learn how to negotiate them. Just from floating along one doesn't learn a thing, one has to get into the white of the water to learn how to manoeuvre the boat of life. Just sometimes it becomes a bit too rough, the boat is starting to twist and sometimes one goes head under. This is the moment when one could do with a bit of help!

Pity is the least thing one wants. Pity you will get from people who become easily emotional, but are not actually interested in you, but their own well being. They feel that you surely are a poor sod, but are more sorry for themselves having to look at you, making them feel all emotional. One will want to avoid those! You don't need them, they don't need you, and nothing but humiliation can come out of this. In a 'mushy brain' situation you need people who actually like you. I find it better not to talk, than talking to one of them! Pity you get from the person who flies above the river, sees you getting hit by a rock, shouts 'oh so sorry', and moves on. Should one accidentally have chosen one of them to talk to, it is important to remember that feeling worse afterwards is not ones own fault! They are just useless for the task.

Compassion on the other hand is a very, very good thing. The word has the syllable 'com' - 'together' in it. It means 'understanding, and feeling with the other person' in the literal sense. This is what I would get from my best friend. Hours on end we would sit and talk the same stuff over and over again... and the next time we met the exact same thing would be on the agenda. I am pretty sure those sessions saved our both marriages during the early days. How else would one make sense of how men behave? I had a similar relationship with my best friend at school. Whenever one of us had boyfriend trouble we used to sneak out of school and comfort each other over some hot chocolate and cake. And again it was never done in just one session. All the thoughts that whizzed round our heads, needed to be disentangled and discarded one by one.

A compassionate friend is one who is in a similar life situation like you, has similar amounts of time available, similar background and is able to respond to any of your rants with: 'I know! I had exactly the same... how can they?... and is yours like this and that? See! unbelievable...' A compassionate friend is somebody who basically is sitting in the same boat and floating down the same river, encountering the same rapids to then join you in a hurray when reaching a soft bank.

The one thing a compassionate friend cannot give you is an outside view. Sitting in the same boat means that this friend cannot be the one who is standing at the banks, observing the river and knowing where the cliffs are. There might have been a less threatening path, some moves or techniques to tackle a rapid in a safe way, but you could not see them because you were looking from the inside.

It is a point of view of experience which usually comes with age. The ones in the boat might hear the advice but may angrily be shouting back '... you out there, standing safely at the banks... what do you know? I am fighting for my life here!' forgetting that the person standing on safe ground made it through those waters before, has been in the rapids and made it out. The person with the outside view will not be able to join the emotional chorus of the compassionate friend, she is not in the boat after all, but she knows a thing or two and she means well.

It appears that one needs both: When things are tough one needs the compassion, but too much of it might elongate the process of getting out of a situation. The voice of advice sometimes can break a vicious circle of emotional turmoil, but only if the noise of the mind has been calmed by a compassionate friend so that advice can actually be heard. This is calling for two different sets of friends, as nobody can be in the boat and standing at the river bank at the same time, and hence one needs to find that one sane thought which determines which type of friend is called for in a particular situation.

In order to manage a crisis and to avoid disappointment it might be an idea to classify ones friends while the waters are still calm: avoid the pitiful, use the compassionate and once in a while listen to the ones who have been there.

And as for myself?

It appears that for many of my friends I have reached the stage of 'outside view'. I have gone past men trouble, education, and rebelling against parents. I guess the answers to my questions from the beginning are: No! I am not altogether useless in these things. Although I feel sorry that on occasion I might not be the right partner for a compassionate chat, I never feel pity. I feel that I am exactly the right place.

What else I do!

2011-01-27T21:58:00.000Z

first published in 2008

Hair

I'm not too bad in doing hair stuff. I've cut hubby's hair for years - yes the cut on the wedding picture as well - until he needed glasses for watching the telly. Without telly he wouldn't sit still so he had to see the hairdresser from then on. And I cut, coloured and permed my hair for quite a while. I had times where I went to the hairdressers, even was a model head, but I felt that I could save quite a bit of money doing it myself.

Playing Hair Model
End 80s

But I had short hair then. Now with the long hair I'm seeing Nadia for regular haircuts and colour.

DIY

I love power tools. I built all the shelves in our house, and I built the big bird cage for the conservatory.

To be able to do all this gives me a lot of freedom in organising stuff. I get my things stored the way I need it. This way the house is tailored to our needs and still has the style we like.

Home made bathroom shelves and cabinet

Gardening

Eventually I have a garden. So many years we didn't even have a balcony. When we got the house, first thing I did was to dig a pond.

And I have a wildlife patch and a rockery and a herbal garden. We laid the patio and the walk- and driveways. It's our holiday pastime. The garden DIY we do together, everything with plants is mine, mine and mine alone!

Seasonal Decorations


When I have the time I make Advent bouquets. I even sold a few. They are the tradition in Germany - actually the wreath is the tradition, the bouquets are the more modern version. We only put up the Christmas tree on the 24th, and the bouquets make a nice Christmas feel during the Advent season. And I love Halloween. It only came into fashion after we had left Germany. So for me it was entirely new. Now I have to do at least 3 per year. One for us, one for my friends kids and one for work.

Silk Painting

This is my most challenging hobby. I am such a control freak and it is rather wholesome to do something that is uncontrollable.

There are techniques to tame the dye, but the parameters are so manifold that it is almost impossible, and one sometimes has to trust the hand to just do the right thing.

When I'm painting the world sinks into the background and it's just me and my piece. Thus it needs time, and hence I'm not doing it very often. Especially since I found my new hobby - Web Sites.

Rika's Personal Rules

2011-01-16T10:03:00.000Z

Don't get me wrong. Although my 'University Years' haven't been all too successful I had a great life so far, and somehow I always managed to fall on my feet - probably because I never fell really high. However when I was in these situations it felt all grave and as if nobody else had problems but me. I believe that it doesn't matter how big the problem actually is - it is important how big it feels. And when resolved it is possible to learn from the small ones as much as from the big ones.

These rules are derived from 19 years of searching for my place in the world starting when I left home at the age of 18 and ending when I moved to England .

Do things for the right reasons

I know - easily said! But deep inside you usually know when you are committing to something for the wrong reasons.

My own example is my decision to do homeopathy school. I never had such a tension between my mum an me like at that time. I had no job perspective and only wanted to flee. I still wanted to be a 'good girl' and make my mum happy, but didn't know how. Every idea I had - e.g. becoming a social worker - made things worse. 'Girl, you can pave the streets with social workers, and so many are out there without a job, and if they have one they only earn little money'. Hmm?!

When the offer came to pay this school for me I felt I could have peace again with my parents and that was all I wanted. It sounded interesting and something I might be able to achieve, and I had basic knowledge. So no real reason against it. But something was wrong. It decided for it as a peace treaty and not because I actually wanted to have my own practice and mix potions.

So I did a basically good and reasonable thing for the wrong reason. During any task there will be rough patches, and there will always be a time where the extra mile needs to be tackled. Nothing is sunshine 24/7. If you are in it for the wrong reasons you might not be able to pull this through. This can affect family life, health, everything.

So whenever there is decision time, listen carefully to all the good advice of the others, weigh carefully all the emotions other people load onto your shoulders and decide which ones you can carry and which ones not. And then close the door behind you, make yourself comfy and have a one-to-one with yourself. Be at least honest to yourself!

I didn't contemplate all that. I was young, inexperienced and emotional. I went for the first thing that helped me to make peace - for that it was the right reason. But I didn't explore other options. I might have come to the same decision, but it would have been a conscious and not an emotional one. And who knows, it might even have worked out with homeopathy school. Knowing bears a lot of power and energy. It can bring you half way through the task before you've even started.

I'm not sure what would have happened to me not doing this school, but doing it half-heartedly the outcome was a lot of lost money, becoming very suspicious of healers, and one 'Rule' richer. Well, could have been worse.

Don't delay decisions

There will be no prince riding the white horse and rescuing you.

If there is something painful around the corner we tend to close the eyes hoping that it might go away while we know all along that it is edging closer. So we are having a miserable time waiting for it to go away - of what we know won't happen - and then we are having the pain anyway.

I don't do this anymore. However big or small, I want to get it done and over with. And you know what? It feels brilliant! When you face an issue head on, then you are in control. You might even dictate the rules of the game. And the sense of achievement when it is over is fantastic. I have become a decision junkie.

I sort the facts. I analyse the other people involved. Why are they reacting a certain way? Where are their benefits of the whole thing? Then I create my case: How can I sell my point to them that they think it's their own idea. This way I'm prepared and confident in my decision ... and then I go for it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose the game. But I always gain my peace of mind and the freedom to go ahead with my life.

Always win

I found out something really weird: It is impossible to loose!

I figured that in regard to winning there are two things to be considered. Firstly there is the 'situations you are in', which can be good or bad. Secondly there is the 'learning from the situation' which can be noting or a lot.

So!

When you are happy and the situation is good, you are usually not learning a lot from it. What is okay, why should you? Nobody would ask: Oh I'm so happy, why is that?

What basically means that if you would have an absolutely happy life it would be great, but you wouldn't be the least bit prepared if something bad would happen. Only when the situation gets bad you start analysing and learning and the worse it gets the more you can take out of it. So even if you are unhappy right now, you can win the overall game by acknowledging the situation as it is, sort of slipping into the role of an observer, learn the most you can and then use 'Rule 2 - Don't delay decisions' and get out there as quickly as possible.

So you might not have been happy throughout, but the benefit of learning something about yourself and others might surpass the benefits of a constantly happy life. And be honest: Wouldn't it be boring to be happy 24/7?

Slapstik moments

2010-12-03T07:00:00.000Z

... or just being moronic!

Yesterday I had the best giggle in a long time, one of those tear-jerking, tummy aching, red nose giggles which flare up over and over again: Detlef slapped face cream on, forgetting that he is wearing glasses.

Yes! My husband is a well groomed one; he uses cream, but that is not the point. The poor thing must be really ready for a break, given that he is wearing glasses for more than a decade. Additionally his dactyl fine motor skills seem to be severely lacking, he almost broke the glasses and now has a bruise in the middle of his nose. It was hilarious! He was upset and I was rolling on the bed filled with glee.

Today was payback time, though. I am sitting here with one hand in a cotton glove. I considered it a good idea to hold on to the sole of a hot iron. The lid for the water container wouldn't open and I thought a bit of leverage would be nice. It was one of those moments when one knows that something about this idea is not quite right, but the brain is just too slow to be able to - literally - put the finger on it, three fingers to be precise. And then everything happens in slow motion. Oh yes, THAT is what is wrong,... yep, that's it ... NOW would be the time to let go...

Argh, three big blisters shall be my penance for the giggling. Still can't help it, though... hehehe!

Index

2010-11-26T23:44:00.001Z

Rika's Personal Page

Project Rika

Project Rika - The Photo Therapy

2010-11-26T23:42:00.001Z

This is what I call my 360° mirror. When I was younger I liked to have my pictures taken, but I noticed that that had changed. Pictures became rare and I usually didn't like them. It turns out that these are the ones most useful for therapy. They do the job of a mirror that shows your behind in bright light which one usually only gets a glimpse of in the fitting rooms of shops. Which consequently are avoided to visit, what reduces the wardrobe to some rags. Things just had to change!

2002 - 2004

From Where I'm Coming....

Casual in summer 2002 These jeans are getting rather tight.

Party November 2002
Black as easiest option although not really slimming

DIY - Building a BBQ in spring 2003. Oh well, that's fair enough! But the jeans are the next size.

Oh Oh...

Summer 2003 - Building a new aviary 40°C and hard work made me a 'wee' bit careless in my dress code.

Fall 2002 Just found these pictures. I actually wanted to keep these trousers (made them myself) until I would have found a replacement.

Spring 2004 Same trousers. They are still the best ones I have. Why on earth did I have to spoil my goddaughter's confirmation pictures with this outfit?
Oh, they so much have to go right now!

Summer 2004

... Getting Fed Up ...

What a Contrast!
In summer 2004 my gorgeous 14 year old goddaughter came to visit. We went shopping for her and didn't find anything for me. That night we had booked a table in a nice restaurant and I was wearing yet another one of my trouser creations. I was completely outshone by her, what is fair enough given her age and the length of her legs. However, there was no need for me to look drab, but nevertheless I did.
At least my hair got longer already. And I started to notice that something has to change. Going shopping with her opened my eyes to a world I was horribly jealous of. And then about half a year later, just when I was lower than down after a summer of nothing nice to wear, the third series of 'What not to Wear' started.

Autumn 2004

... And Where I'm Going ...

At least the hair is starting to take shape

And I dare wearing bigger jewellery

Still a bit frumpy, but I only own one skirt and I was boots shopping in the morning. So I had to wear it.
The shirt is new and I liked the colours and the style. But unfortunately I bought it before I did this photo session. I forgot the rule: 'Don't let fabric end where you are the fattest'. And my forearms look huge in these 3/4 sleeves. Actually I'm not quite sure what would look good. Long sleeves point to my saddle bags and overly long sleeves make me look like a monkey.

This shirt is additionally unfortunate because the stripes go through into the arms. Makes me look very square. I like myself best without sleeves. Probably I should try things where they have a different pattern than the body, or at least don't have horizontal stripes.
Hmmm, I seem to have a thing going for horizontal stripes anyway. Well, this photo thing turns out to be a better therapy than I thought. Hurtful but effective.

2005 - 2006

... And There I Am!

2005

May 2006

Spring
2006

BTW: This is the top with which it all started. I liked it so much, but it looked very bad without a bra. I bought anyway and then got my first bra. Enthusiastically I decided to treat me to a hair dresser visit. I was too early for the appointment, went into a bookstore for a coffee and found the 3^rd T&S book.
The rest is history!

Project Rika - The Diary

2010-11-26T23:34:00.000Z

Hair coloured, but still without make-up.

Not an 'Angst'-item anymore

Culling!

... give to a friend

... or your cat,
... or to charity,
... or bin it.

The sad leftovers.

Colours, colours, ...

October 2004

Being a fan of Trinny and Susannah from the first series on I took some of their advice on board right from the beginning (e.g. chunky heels on shoes for fat ankles - and these are fat ankles we are talking about), but never completely got the grips on it. Only when the book accompanying the third series came out it absolutely hit me. It was at about the same time when I found that lovely top in a shop and I noticed that my tits had given in to gravity and that the shirts looked awful without a bra.

But I should introduce myself before I go on. Me - Rika, 43 years of age, hands on (garden, DIY, part time secretary), with the most pear shaped pear figure (size 10 upstairs, 12-14 downstairs), with column like legs, literally no ankles and short wide feet, but great tits (hence the no bra thing for all my life). I'm doing body-building to get wider shoulders (what actually works), but the waist is the problem. Have you ever heard of a woman complaining about a too thin waist? Since I've hit the 40 I got a bit of a tummy what helped a bit to find trousers, but didn't make me more attractive. If I get trousers fitted for my middle I don't fit through the hole anymore with my legs. I made trousers myself with the zip on the back (having a fat arse I can use a very long zip there) what leaves a big enough hole to fit through.

Now I'm in the middle of 'Project Rika' and I feel the need to document this. Since I’m getting deeper and deeper into it I notice how much it actually is not just an outside thing, but an inside thing as well. So this documentation is a bit of a therapy and probably replaces what is done in the TV series with the diary cameras.

So, as I go along I will create a little list of makeover-rules that I found helpful to keep myself on track and that will bring me back on in case I should loose it again.

November 2004
I'm about 4 weeks into the project now. I needed about 2 weeks to notice that it is a project and the other 2 weeks to get the first things done:

	Hair is sorted. Nice new colour (a warmer shade of my own colour) with highlights. New fringy cut that still needs a quite bit of growing (I had very short hair a year ago). At the moment I'm trying out styling mousses to find out which one suits my hair best.
	Got a good bra (tops look lovely now). Still need good underwear for the downstairs department and good tights. That's to be done next week, before I go to the next shopping trip for trousers and skirts
	Found my boots yesterday! Yay! Stretchy ones - they extend around the biggest calves.
	Got my first fancy jewellery and love it (I only have small and thin items mostly in silver, no fashion jewellery).
	Finished the culling today. 1 bin bag full of rubbish. My beloved woollen winter coat got chosen by my cat as bed, 2 big plastic bags for charity and 1 bag to send to my mum who luckily doesn't fit my colour scheme but my shape. About 1m of wardrobe contains jackets, zipper jumpers and trousers is left over, 2/3 of which will go as I go along and hopefully will find new things to wear (Angst-item still is trousers).
	Collected the colour cards yesterday from the DIY shop and created 2/3 of my chart from it. Didn't bring enough olives so I have to go back. At first I thought it would be nice to have a sheet for each colour type in the book, to take out of. Would save a lot of time and glue all over the place. But it was a good experience to cut and paste myself. To see which colours repeat in the theme for different purpose. Which colours are basic and which ones are for highlighting. Last night I dreamt of colour charts. I hope that is a good thing. I will carry these little sheets in my purse wherever I go. So if I find something that I'd like to buy I will immediately see if it will fit my wardrobe or not.
	Still have to sort out make-up. Problem is my allergies. Have days where I sneeze a thousand times with eyes swelling up and tears running. That will destroy the best make-up and will make me look like an owl. But I'm determined to find something for the 'good days'.

08/11/04 - Quick Shopping trip after work (2 hours)
Went for knickers - hmmm! Not sure that I like the magic ones. Felt like a sausage. I guess a new bra is enough for one month to make me breathless. Will give it another try a bit later. Loads of bras in the shops but the knickers situation in England is hideous.

Always on the lookout for trousers and coats. Stumbled over 3 trousers in size 12 that actually fitted. They looked awful, though. Two were much too short (why do they do that?) and one made my ass sag (back to the magic knickers?) But I was over the moon - they fitted around the legs and the middle. The season starts promising, although my colours (olives, mustard/gold, sea green) are mostly to be found in the hunters and old ladies department.
In the end I spent a lot of money on make-up stuff. Eye make-up remover (Bi-Facil from Lancome), blusher (Guerlin) - I hope it's not too brown, tried it on but in these lights in the shop I couldn't see a bit, concealer (Touche eclat, YSL) - that stuff seems to be perfect for me because I have a very pale skin that doesn't have Snow White qualities. I'm still not sure about foundation. Never found a pale enough and fluid enough one. Need to ask my friends about their experience.

It was the first time that I would have liked to have more time for shopping.
Extended the culling into the make-up department. Only kept mascara, 3 lipsticks - I have to try them with the new blusher, eye shadow and a powder, which is very likely to be discarded - don't know why I bought it - actually, it's bin-day today. I'm going to throw it out right now!

Never forget...

... the way ...

... you have come.

09/11/04 - Oh that was a good day.
Put on the make-up in the morning and was disappointed. I used make-up before and I had the same feeling as always - it makes me 10 years older. My husband said I had white areas under the eyes, which I didn't see - So probably the blusher was too dark?!

Came to the office and got complimented twice - never ever happened before.
In the evening we had our friends over (2 couples). Exam time! The girls were over the moon, my buys got approved (one is using Touche eclat and Bi-Facil herself), the blusher got tried out immediately, the boots were the hit and as I was proudly wearing my bra, one shouted out: 'Look, she has boobs!' Was too happy to be embarrassed. Concluding comment: 'Eventually you will come shopping with us'. I didn't know that girls go shopping for socialising. I thought they do that because they need something to wear. The boys were a bit disappointed, though: 'She won't be interested in DIY and power tools anymore'. I promised them to look very sexy doing DIY and gardening, so they are sorted as well.

There is one other thing I noticed. I rarely dressed up when I had guests because I was afraid to soil the only good clothes I have in the kitchen and then having nothing to wear at work. If all the clothes I have would be 'most liked clothes' this wouldn't be an issue anymore. I definitely need more than 1 outfit - okay, I own three:

	casual/office: 1 Jeans + 4 T-shirts. Most of the tops have a bit of brown or are a good blue (there is one shade that doesn't look too bad on me). So that's okay-ish.
	office: 1 pair of good trousers + 2 Winter and 3 summer tops. The trousers fit superbly but are grey. They are tagged 'Wear to tear and then replace with the right colour'
	occasions 1 pair of black elegant trousers + 3 summer tops one of which I wear in the office as well. The tops are all new and in the right colours, but the trousers have to go.

The rest of the clothing is a mismatch and has flaws (too short, too loose, too tight). I wear those when the other things are in the washing. They are tagged 'Replace as quickly as possible'.

The other thing I learned yesterday is how to remember my colours.

One part of my tones is 'Thyme'!

I have a border of all kinds of thyme in my garden and the leaves either have a silver-grey-green touch or are golden/mustard/olive coloured (Lemon thyme - yummy). The flowers come from lilac to deep purple and burgundy and when the flowers go then the seeds come in a rich dark brown.
I'm getting there!

12/11/04 - Still on track
Since two weeks I wear the best possible outfit to work and I didn't slip to 'very casual because of lazy'. I always wear a bra at work. Only at home I'm allowed without. But my friend recommended a brand that is supposed to be extremely comfortable and it looked very good on her (2 children). So I have to see if this one works for me as well. Then I probably might even wear it at home or for sport.

Since one week I'm wearing make-up (concealer, mascara, blusher, lipstick). Firstly the eye make-up remover is fantastic. I'm glad to have put in the money. It's the first time that I don't loose my eye lashes after using mascara. Secondly I found a good routine. I'm quite a couch potato and once I sink into my arm chair in the evening it's hard to get up and clean my face properly. So before I slip into the lazy evening I go and clean my face using remover, cleanser and exfoliator (from time to time), no toner (feels like drying out). For moisturising I use eye cream and a quite cheap night cream (Q10) that works well for me.

Before I had phases where I tried to keep up with good face cleaning manners, but always failed and only used the quick splash of water. All of a sudden it's not an issue anymore.

Now I want to have a second lipstick in my handbag - and I want a new handbag. I'm deeply embarrassed by my ugly black backpack. There are two more boutiques to explore in the neighbourhood town, once this is done we will have to extend our search circle and go to London.

13/11/04 - Uhuuuu, that was bitter!
I looked through my old pictures. Good Lord, what was I thinking. The hair colour, the cut... The cut for itself wasn't too bad, but having such an ass to compensate there is a bit more head needed. Oh and theses home made trousers. The top bit is actually quite nice, but the bulky, too short legs and the too soft material that deforms from sitting. Already in 2002 when I saw the picture I didn't like it. Why the h... did I still wear it in 2004 at my god daughters confirmation? And why did I even keep it now? But no worries - it's in the bin now!

When I was a teenager and even in my twenties I loved having my pictures taken, but that changed. All of a sudden I didn't like most of the pictures anymore. I had gained about 1 dress size in weight, and although the proportions stayed the same I only found clothes in the 'very grown up women' department. Fashion provided these ridiculous tapered leg trousers with pleats but no stretch material. Before we came here I had a part time job at university so nobody really cared about what I was wearing. I guess that was the time when I gave up - and got even fatter. Meanwhile I lost a bit, but actually I'm not keen on losing a lot of weight right now. Body wise I feel quite good. I had orange peel all my life - oh well, who hasn't - and being past the 40 that won't change a lot, will it? Losing another dress size won't change the proportions and only will make my face look all thin and wrinkly. The pictures I have collected here are nearly all the ones I have of myself of the past 4 years. And having moved from Germany to England it were exciting, wonderful years. There should be more pictures with a smiling Rika on it.

This is going to change in the future. I'm not going to put an end to this project until I like myself in pictures again!

Amazing how much money one can spend on a handbag and a coat - but definitely worth it! All of a sudden everything falls into place.

20/11/04 - Oh, what a week
Went shopping on Tuesday and Thursday. Tuesday I found this coat at Laura Ashley. My friend had bought a coat there recently and I thought I'd give it a try, as before Laura Ashley didn't do it for me.

And there it was - all the colours of the Canadian autumn in a fabric I always disliked. I kept to my promise to at least try everything on and I felt at home at once. What a transformation to my face (apart from the big grin). I looked so much fresher. Of course I got it - and it was 20% off. My friend and my husband approved of it when I met them. So I was as happy as a Cheshire cat.
Next thing was the handbag. With the new coat the old black backpack showed how pathetic it actually looked. Very practical, not even ugly, but - 'Very Black Backpack'. It was the second time of my life that the shops closed too early for me. I made a dash through all the shops I had been in before looking for a coat - and a few more, dared even looking at red handbags - nothing! So I went to the next town two days later.

Oh what an experience. It's a very posh little town with quite some high price boutiques. But the clothes they have are gorgeous. They buy from all over the continent and that shows in the quality and style - and price. I went in one of them - actually the most expensive one - and first thing the owner asked me before I even could say 'hello', was: "What a great coat, where did you get it?" Gosh, was I over the moon. Telling her that this was all due to T&S she answered: 'Isn't it for all of us' and then told me that there was another women that day who came to buy a completely new outfit. Trinny and Susannah - you have a lot of fans out there!

Eventually I found my bag in another boutique. Quite big, what I need and what I think looks good on me. A small bag makes my bum look even bigger in comparison. Tones down the coat a bit (instead of powering it up even more as a red one would have done) and goes with everything. I've never spent so much money on a handbag before, but it makes all the difference. Who would have thought that a handbag can change the whole posture and attitude of a person.

Now we are off to London today to look for trousers/skirts and a bit more jewellery. Probably some ankle boots in brown to go with trousers. And if we don't find trousers I'm going to look for fabrics and then I will get a new sewing machine.

So, for my colours I learned: It's thyme when I want to tone it down and Canadian forest in fall when I want to power it up. Yay! That way I don't even need my colour cards anymore. When I have a big powerful item I tone it down with accessories and it I have a big soft item I power it up with accessories. Things become a bit easier now.

22/11 - A misconception about "Dressing Up"
Sitting here with my morning Cappuccino I'm contemplating the London trip yesterday. And then I got an insight. It is difficult to categorise clothes, or more precisely to define the categories correctly. For me there was:

	dressed up = smart / smart casual
	not dressed up = casual

Dresses and skirts always fell into the category of dressed up because you need higher heels, tights, nicer handbag...
Yesterday I bought a rust coloured suede skirt (which will be a tricky one to tone down) and then I had the trouble. I would wear it to work because we go very casual there - probably one reason I never really cared about what to wear. But I wouldn't wear it for occasions like 'Open Days'.
What I learned from that is:
There is no such thing like 'Dressing Up'
There is only a thing like 'Dressing well according to the occasion'
So basically I only bought casual things yesterday. The skirt, brown corduroy trousers, a green blouse shirt and a necklace my husband found for me. It was a great day actually, The shirt is one of these new ones which have only bits of a shirt attached to the collar and the sleeves. They had it in aubergine (my preferred colour so far) and green. Eventually my husband could confirm that the green looks much better and that I should go off the aubergine (at least for big items and close to the face).

Apparently there is a lot more shopping to do. I need one more pair of trousers, shirts and a cardigan kind of things (because of air conditioning at work) for the skirt, some more shirts for the trousers, smart clothes altogether not to talk of evening wear - not going often, but when invited I'm always in trouble. Ah yes and shoes, I only have black ones apart from the boots (Oh well, I have an update on that one!).

23/11 - Things are falling into place
Yesterday I got 4 lovely shirts and a cardigan (long' in similar colours like my coat) for warmth. The 'Colour Thing' is starting to work out well. The shirts look good with more than one other item. They tone down one skirt and highlight the other and go well with the trousers as well. It's the first time that I have a mix and match wardrobe.

I got complimented twice in the office yesterday. My boss told me to stop now because he felt that otherwise he would have to raise my salary for having the best dressed PA. He was joking with the salary - what a pity - but that he considered a well dressed person an asset worth paying for astonished me. When he started talking I thought he would say: 'Oh, if you can afford clothes like these than I seem to pay you too much', I would have taken that as a compliment as well, But he actually showed pride in having a well dressed PA and even mentioned it a bit later (without me being there) to my husband who works in the same centre. Yay!

08/12 - Oh, I feel so good
We had our Christmas Dinner last night and the first time the question: "What am I going to wear?" didn't mean "I have nothing to wear.' It was about the choice between 'Do I feel like powering up or like toning down'. I definitely felt like COLOUR. And... I like my pictures again.

Meanwhile I have a second coat - very English - as my friend noted. But I just love it. With everything else being in tone I even get away with a bit of pink in it. And next week we are going to London again. I emptied the shops around here and need more feeding ground. This project was one of the best experiences of my life.

Dear Trinny and Susannah,
I thank you so much. At the beginning of this project I asked my husband if I were crazy to follow two TV-celebs I don't know, and to put a lot of money and effort into this. His answer was: 'Oh no, these women do an important job. You go ahead'.

My friend said: 'Wherever you look they talk of cosmetic surgery and workout and body shaping. These two are the only people telling you that you can stay as you are and look gorgeous, nevertheless'. So, you do a very important job. I may not have been in as desperate need of your help as some of your clients (probably I was, not knowingly), and I always acknowledged good dressing manors as something important and not as making the monkey for others. Thing is that all my life I've put in the effort and was rarely successful. At parties I looked at the others, measured myself with the many good looking people to than quickly looking around if there was at least one woman looking sadder than me. And than I thought: 'Well, I'm not the worst, people like me anyway - so it's good enough for me'.

Apparently I wasn't as confident as I thought I was. And your approach to fashion cured me from this. I know that there is still a lot to do, but you girls kicked my big bum into the right direction.
Never again: 'Oh, that's good enough for me'

No:

I want it All!

Girls and women out there in the world,
Start trusting Trinny and Susannah - It works not only on TV. They really can change your life to the better! For me these 3 books were money well spent, and if anybody is moaning that this is only a merchandise to make them rich, well then:
Make them rich - They deserve it!

Make-over Rules

2010-11-26T23:26:00.000Z

This is a list of rules I wrote as I went along with 'Project Rika'. Whenever I updated the diary I red through them again and added what I felt was missing. In this respect these rules pretty much reflect my state of mind at the time and show how worried I was to slip back into old habits and to forget things I already thought I had tackled well. I just didn't want to go back to black and drab and this list was made to keep me on track.
Some of the rules refer to Trinny and Susannah, as it were them who inspired me in the first place. For some of you who haven't seen the series those rules might be boring or just sound ridiculous. But believe me: These were the ones who kept me on track the most.

When you do a Trinny and Susannah make over on your own: Don't do it on your own! Visualise Trinny and Susannah whenever you are in front of your wardrobe or whenever you go shopping. Hear them shout: "Are you crazy woman, THINK!" And then remember the rules from the books!

Start networking. Talk to friends about what you want to do. They might know shops you've never heard about. Ask them for their experience in underwear and tights, so that you can avoid the mistakes they made. With this knowledge in the back of your head it's much easier to interview shop attendants. They only want to sell - you have to make them sell you the right thing. But only take very trusted friends onto a shopping trip. It is about getting to know yourself and some friends might want to press their own ideas onto you. And everybody has a specific pace when going through the shops. Find yours and don't follow somebody else like a sheep.

Call it a PROJECT - and let friends and family know that you will spend a reasonable amount of time and money on that project and that you expect support, or at least no stupid comments. It's about life improvement and this is something to be taken as seriously as house improvement - or even more.

Body Assessment Instead of a 360° mirror use your old pictures. You have to go through this - and if you have the book, do the 'Body Assessment' bit as well. How often don't you like yourself? How often are you in pictures in the first place? Figure out what you don't like on yourself, but as equally important find out what you like. In my case I often got caught in DIY or gardening situations where I was wearing my old discarded clothes, and my hair looked like a broom. I created something I was proud of and when documenting it I spoiled the photo. At parties in our house I only wore older clothes in order not to spoil the only things I have for the office - and it looks like it in the pictures. I don't like the bottom bit and my skin with spots, but I rather like my top bit and my eyes.

When you check your outfit use a mirror that shows your entire body. And then check the proportions. If you see just your face with the short hair, you might like it, but if you see it in comparison to your big ass/hips/saddlebags you may want to let your hair grow - What was I thinking for crying out loud: I have a small scull anyway!

Don't go shopping during sales. When you know what you want it's okay, as a shopping novice it's the most exhausting thing to do.

	Go at the beginning of a new season, when all the sizes and styles are still on the shelves.
	Go for one quality item instead of many low priced.
	Once you have your basic wardrobe together you can watch out for bargains

Colours Get your colour charts. You might not want to carry the book with you all the time for colour reference. Go to a DIY shop into the paint department where they keep the colour labels to take away (take the book with you - you will need the reference).
Parts from the 'What you wear can change your life' book you can find on the T&S website about 'The Rules'.

Then cut and paste them together in a way that makes sense to you and in a size to fit a purse or a handbag and then never go out without it. This way you won't buy stuff that looks nice in the shop, but doesn't match a thing when you come home. A good mix and match wardrobe doesn't need a lot of items to create a lot of outfits, and you will have money left over for accessories and shoes! You can tell that I carried mine around a lot. The right bit shows just the colours, and the left bit shows how to combine them and to which amount in one outfit.

If you are unsure about your colours try to find a blouse or shirt that comes in several colours. You will see which one to choose immediately without being distracted by the shape.

How to Shop Start your shopping trip with going after the hardest thing to find. My Angst-item was 'boots'. T&S rules told me: 'Fat ankles - get boots. Then the world of skirts opens up to you'. Yeah, right! And what about the fat calves that could feed a family for a week? Never ever will I get boots for those.
Here the networking helped. I never would have had a look at the shelves if a friend (having a fat calves complex herself) wouldn't have told me that she bought boots recently. So I promised myself not to buy a single shirt before I found boots and skirts/trousers. Otherwise I might end up with tops that don't match in colour the only fitting boots/trousers/skirts that are on the market.

Promise yourself to try on everything. I saw a green shirt that looked interesting, but that I found much too green. I tried it on and it the transformation was marvellous. All of a sudden I had green eyes and a shiny skin. I was a bit disappointed about the shape (too long). I tried it later again and had somebody to have a look at it. It turned out that it was perfect to wear with my new trousers, but not with what I was wearing before:

	If the item is not right for you, you may at least learn something about shapes and colours
	Don't dismiss an item completely but for certain reasons. You may find that it is perfect with something that is yet to be bought. So try to remember the shop's name where you saw things you partly liked.

Culling - T&S are right. There is no way around it. But we poor non-celebs usually don't get £2000 for a new wardrobe. So that's what I did:

First thing, throw everything out that is torn and that doesn't really fit. This way you will at least look neat.

Then take your colour chart and set aside everything that doesn't fit these colours. Go through this collection again and see if you find something that makes an outfit. Blue is definitely not my colour, but I only have two trousers that fit and one of these are blue jeans. I have a few blue and blue/white/brown tops and a knitted zipper jumper that goes well with it. It's not the best thing for me to wear, but it doesn't have a 'eeeek-factor' either. If you have outfits like that give them a virtual label 'wear to tear and don't replace'. Once one items of the outfit is torn give the rest to charity.

For your peace of mind think about friends to whom you can give things to, or give to charity. A lot of my things my mum was happy to take on.

Give to a friend

Give to your cat

The sad leftovers

If you are really short of outfits then keep a few more of the not-the-right-colour items that are vital to cover naked skin and give them the virtual label 'replace as quickly as possible'. And really do it - depending on the time and money you have for shopping. This way you won't have to go naked, although you won't look gorgeous immediately, but you know what you want and what you need to buy, and you can keep an open eye for bargains - and you have something to look forward to. Sometimes patience is a good thing to practice because it bears the reward in the end.

Hair Get your hair sorted. Nobody who is in the position to need T&S has the hair sorted - even if you think you have. Look at your face and see what sort of broom is growing on top. The book gives a lot of advice, but let's face it: There are a lot of untalented hairdressers on the market.

Never let an apprentice cut your hair or give advice in hair colour. Although it's more expensive - get the boss to do it or at least a senior person.

Look around at your friends heads. Who has tricky hair (too thin, too curly) and nevertheless looks good. Try their hairdresser.

Complain to hairdressers. When you have the next appointment, tell them exactly where you had problems. They should give you advice on how to style your hair.

Collect images of hairstyles (there are magazines on the market that have nothing else than hairstyles in it). Hairdressers hate it when you come with one picture and tell them that this is what you want to have. Normally this is not possible because your hair structure is different, and they hate to be restricted in their creativity. So usually this approach leads to disaster. But when you make a collage of 3 types of photos:

	Like it
	Like it, but it's not practical for me for this or that reason
	Hate it

Then the hairdresser gets an idea about what sort of person you are what gives him/her the freedom to create a style that your hair allows and that suits you. I got lucky the first time round when I went to see Nadia. She did a decent cut in that style (my hair wasn't long enough), and she started with a little bit of a red shine to give me an idea how red works on me. However when I went there the first time I was so nervous that I was much too early and went into a bookstore with a cafe area. And next to my table they had the Trinny and Susannah book 'What you wear can change your life'. That was so meant to be. I got the book, got my fist haircut and from there the whole project kick-started.

Make Up Get the grips on make-up. I hated foundation and now I believe it is made by angels in heaven. I got the palest one from Tesco. I don't use it every day, but there are these days when my skin looks like purplish mince and then it is a life saver. And I use it in the evenings or when I know that pictures will be taken. Most camera flashes let you look like a ghost anyway, but with a foundation, you at least don't shine like creamed with lard.
Update: Although the Tesco brand is really good I became a Maxfactor girl now. I'm rather pale and they have the brighter tones. And they are very silky and I find them easier to apply, so I actually use it daily now. Main reason for it now that foundation keeps the coloured bits like blusher and eye shadow in place. Without foundation those are all over the place within an hour.

Find a routine for the make-up removal. I do it before I settle down for the couch potato part of the day in the evening because I know I'm not doing it properly when I'm too tired. This actually improved my skin. I never cleaned and nourished my face this carefully before.

For puffy eyes: If you don't have a cooling gel mask for the freezer, always have a little bag of frozen peas ( you can re-use it for a long time). Wrap it into a kitchen towel and hold it under your eyes for couple of minutes (don't press on too hard).

Miscellaneous Tights can be very easily ordered via Internet. I used My Tights so far. They are quick and reliable, the descriptions are better than the advice you normally get from shop attendants. They have fantastic tights with bum-lift. Actually built in Magic Knickers (Falke Wonderpo Tights). It's hard to get in - but for occasions and certain outfits it's definitely worthwhile.

My first order from the internet

Decide the night before on what you want to wear the next day. Best when you are coming home and change for comfy, sport or going out. You are then handling your wardrobe anyway and the morning your tasks will be going so much easier when that is sorted already. It's hard to take decisions on what matches what when you are still half asleep and under a tight schedule. If I have the time the next morning I may reconsider - I just might feel more colourful than the chosen outfit, or so - but it's always good to know that something decent is hanging on my wardrobe.

Sort your wardrobe by items and colours. Trousers with trousers, skirts with skirts, blouse to blouse, and so on and within those categories the warmer things together and the summery things together and within those categories by colour. This way you can easily grab warm, orange bottom and warm orangy top - done. Or summery green bottom with summery green-ish top - done again. One grip - and there you are!
Because things have their place in the wardrobe you see instantly what is in the wash and what makes an outfit. It may need some time to get used to keeping it in order, but then think about it: It's not more of an effort to hang something into the right place than into the wrong place. But the benefits of doing it right are inevitable.

Have your accessories on display. If you have them digged into some boxes and bags you won't even remember what you own. I attached hooks to the inside of my wardrobe doors for my jewellery, belts and bras, and my shoes are lined up on a shoe shelf on the floor of the wardrobe. Small jewellery is in open little boxes on a shelf. Trinny suggests to attach see-through pouches attached to a door/wall to keep jewellery in, there you can keep any size and shape. A board to hang keys on can be another option.
Get creative with your household items and find the solution that works best for you. Only rule: Easy access to the items.

Project Rika - The History of the Incredible Ladies

2010-11-26T23:23:00.000Z

First published in 2007

This is my story about becoming an ‘Incredible Lady’. The fantastic journey that gave me the confidence which everybody else thought I had anyway, but which I never felt I had. Eventually at the age of 45 I feel grown up, in charge and happy – at least most of the time I do.

‘I feel like an Incredible Lady!’ Two years ago I would have never said that - A good girl doesn't show off, and she doesn’t praise herself. Tell you what: “She does, and she should”. I hope my story inspires you to get creative with your lives and to join the club of ‘Incredible Ladies’. And please keep in mind: I didn’t set out to become thinner. I wanted to look and feel good, not really knowing what that meant and how to achieve that. When the ‘What Not to Wear’ series came on the telly I was hooked. Trinny and Susannah were the first ones to promote the idea that you can look gorgeous without having to starve yourself to death and that fashion is not about looking like a model but to find your own style which suits your figure best.

So, ‘Project Rika’ is about the journey from sad and frumpy to colourful and confident. It took time, and it was not something done in a jiffy. It turned out that it needed determination and changes in the lifestyle to free up time. But I feel great now and I leave it to you to decide whether or not you think it was worthwhile. The diary ends after I had restructured my wardrobe, managed to put on a make-up without looking funny and had lost about a stone (6kg) due to slight changes to my diet and a bit of exercising.

Only after I had gained the confidence and trust in myself I felt that I wanted to take it to the next level and went back to the gym regularly. It is so true: Change your outside for the better and the inside will follow all by itself.
The diary starts in October 2004 when I eventually decided that ‘enough is enough’. It is written at the time and reflects all my emotions back then. The photos sometimes are a bit awkward as they are mostly taken by myself in the mirror. Whenever I had a new haircut or got a new shirt I just needed to know how it looked and if I did the right choice. And pictures turned out to be my best friends at that time.

Another good friend was a list of rules which I extended and amended as I went along. There were so many things to remember and habits to change. To read and write this list over and over again was a bit like a brainwash, but it helped to incorporate certain habits into my daily routine, so that I don't even realise anymore that I'm doing them.

But the first part is the ‘Photo Therapy’. All of you who have seen ‘What Not to Wear’ know that they always have this tough part at the beginning where contestants have to look at themselves in a 360° mirror. They call it ‘Assessing the body shape’. Well, I used my old photos – and believe me: it had a very similar effect. Whenever I came a bit off track I looked back at them and very quickly I was reminded why I was doing this.

I hope you enjoy reading about the trip to my new self. Please let me know what you think about it!

Pets

2010-11-26T23:06:00.000Z

First published in 2007

If it didn't happen earlier - this is the moment where most people call me crazy. I just adore my animals.

		Although it might seem like it, I'm not regarding them as little humans to be spoilt rotten. Probably I have seen too many injured and badly treated animals when I was young. They just deserve our commitment.
Mohrchen and her 6 babies - at my parents house when I was little

And that is and always will be my point: If you don't want to commit to an animal, that's fair enough. That is not doing any harm. But if you are committing yourself, then do it the same way you would commit to a child. A grown up might be disappointed but has the capability to understand, a child can't understand and neither can an animal.
Two kittens

		From my childhood in the village I learned to read and understand animals. Cats are different from dogs are different from rabbits are different from birds of prey. You have to become a little bit the species you are dealing with, and you will have to respect the character of the individual.
Doberman Bingo and Poodle lady Uschi at my parents backyard. You can tell that she wasn't happy there. We found her in a rotten staple in 10 inch of dung together with two other Poodle. Her fur was like felt and when we cut it off, nests of maggots came out of it. She was scared of everything and apparently had been beaten. She hated our cleaning lady and was for some reason scared of cameras. This is one of the few photos we ever could take of her. Nevertheless she had a lovely character and after she had babies she became brave like a lioness, but she kept her fear of cameras.

My mum once brought a sedated stray dog which they eventually had managed to hunt down with sleeping pills. In the dance hall which was only used occasionally we had piled up all the tables and chairs in one corner and once the poor thing woke up it dashed under this pile and could hardly be seen. I was about 10 years old and small enough to approach him. He was shivering and growling throughout, and it took me hours and constant talking (still good in this) to get to him and win his trust. After some weeks he was the sunshine of the family and then found a lovely home with an elderly lady. For some reason experiences like these formed me more than all the years of school and University study.

I read somewhere that with winking the eyes a cat signals 'peace'. Probably that's why they like it when you smile at them. I tried this with all the cats in our neighbourhood and I made them all wink, even when they were sitting far away. It is a bit like talking their language with them, and I find it very interesting that the cat is able to read these signals from a different species.
Guinea pig Strubbi and one of the many offspring of cat-mum Mohrchen. Always best friends

However, I believe myself to be a rather normal person, but in regard to pets everybody else thinks I'm mad. Oh well, there is worse.
So, above were a selection of the pets at my parents house who taught me how to behave with pets, and here are the pets I had and have since we came to England:

Tommy - about 10 years old Moved in from the neighbourhood and due to his persistence the owner agreed for him to stay with us. He had a fellow cat, and probably was tired to play the pasha. We suspect that he was already ill with cancer when he came to us. About half a year later he died.
More than any other cat he loved boxes and bags and was the best teacher to children

Felix - about 15 years old
Moved in from the neighbourhood and due to his persistence the owner agreed for him to stay with us. He had 5 fellow cats, and the owners had recently moved. Probably he was tired to fight for a favourite place again. We suspect that he was already ill with heart problems when he came to us. About half a year later he died.
He was a master in putting himself bang into the middle of everything so that nobody got past him and loved having his tummy cuddled. And he was a catnip junkie.

I got a pretty bad image at that time. Nicking all the cats from the neighbourhood who then died shortly after. I guess they smelled the vacancy and hoped for calm twilight years. And we had a nice compost pile with mice and a birdcage - loads of entertainment without having to move about too much.

Bobby - stray
He was my dream cat. Straying in the garden, nicking bird food (they love dry cat food, especially in spring when they have babies) I invited him to stay although we already had Felix. He became the most understanding and talking cat. Tommy already was amazing in communication, but Bobby was even smarter.
Unfortunately he didn't stay with us for long and after a good year he got sick and died.
And these are the little buggers we still have: Moritz and Vinny. They hate each other, or better: Moritz hates Vinny and Vinny is scared like hell. Since we have those two we don't get a proper night sleep anymore. Moritz goes out during the day - occasionally the old sloth-bear - while Vinny goes out at night using the window above the conservatory while Moritz is locked in. Only that Vinny likes to announce that he is back and wants to have attention. One doesn't need kids if one has two little devils in the house.

Vinny - about 13 years old now Moved in from the neighbourhood and due to his persistence the owner agreed for him to stay with us. He had no fellow cats, but there was a black&white bully cat straying around his house and living in the field close by. Additionally his lady had a new boyfriend and some lifestyle change going with it.
Vinny was not amused!
... and my image was going downhill.

In summer 2010 Viny died, age 17

Moritz - Black&White Stray Bully It needed a while to realise that the white cat hair in the armchair couldn't be from Vinny and we were a bit worried about the food consumption. And then one morning I saw him dashing out through the catflap. I can't shoo cats away! And now he is the laziest cuddle ever and as communicative as Bobby. He only moves fast when he sees another cat.

... meaning newcomer Bimmel

And then I had a fish tank with Goldfish and little Catfish, although the Goldfish population changed all the time as I catch little ones from the pond and put the big ones back into it. Otherwise it's cleaning every other day. Ghosh these little buggers are messy - update: Goldfish are in the garden pond now and the tank houses guppies

And we have the aviary for the foreign finches - 13 of them. They are breeding like mad and usually I have fake eggs to have them breeding on, but sometimes they are cheating on me.

And then we have the garden birds including two ducks visiting this spring and a sparrow hawk hunting, we have a hedgehog sleeping in the shed and all the neighbours cat's lurking around waiting for treats and their chance to move in only kept at bay by lazy bully Moritz.

University Years

2010-11-26T22:40:00.000Z

Oh well, we are actually talking about the next 18 years or so. Told you I'm rather a failure in that respect. I took up Chemistry. Not because I wanted to be a chemist - I wasn't entirely sure what these people actually do - no, it was my best subject and I didn't know what else to do. My marks were good enough to get into it, I guess the pride to be accepted played a roll as well. Bad, bad choice - I ended the fiasco after 3 semesters.

Firstly, I had moved in with my boyfriend, and although he was a great support and helped me with my learning and how to find my ways at university, it was a bit of a distraction as well. The love wasn't as big as we had thought either, so after a year we split up. Luckily we managed to stay friends, and he became the dad of my gorgeous goddaughter.

I had realised that I didn't want to go to University. I could see the first glimpses of my dilettantism of which back then I didn't know I had. I didn't want to use my brain, I wanted to use my hands - to the huge disappointment of my parents. Sure, they meant well: Study, make money, no worries ever again! But I hadn't succeeded in my best subject, what else could I do? They thought I was too lazy - I became stubborn!

Compromise! They paid for homeopathic school, 2 years in weekend courses and during the week I would have to earn my living. Idea of the whole thing was not to throw away what I had learned already. Little did I know that the stuff you really like is not lost because you will remember when you need it and the rest doesn't matter anyway.

So I gave private tuition to pupils and was half day mum for toddlers. Studies were interesting, but far too expensive. As it turned out, one had to attend additional courses and do voluntary work taking away from earning money to become good enough for the exam. The two years were up, I was 22 and still three years to young for the exam - hmmm, that wasn't really well thought through, was it? And then I met the guy who later would become my hubby and I was not keen to go ahead like this for another three years.

He allowed for my first time out from career finding. We met when he was still a school boy - how cute is this? And when he went to the army for two years we lived of his salary, did some saving for later university times, I went on with part time toddler care and used the rest of the time to be a traditional housewife.

It was a good time. We got married and my parents were happier again. Realising that I was seeing a school boy it didn't help to ease their sorrow about my future and added to the tension, but he gained my mum's heart by using his size 11 feet to step on her toes, bless him!

Then I came up with a genius plan. I would study the same thing that hubby would decide for, either medicine or computer science. Come on! How could I even consider computer science - I was crap at school in math and physics! Nevertheless, I went through with it.

Worst times, weight went up and down although I had started to do Body Building, obviously not regularly enough. Exams always got into the way. Those were the times when I started fine tuning my dilettantism. Whenever there was an opportunity for a break I took it and took on some job, attended to my hobbies, or helped someone out with something. These were my little islands of success. At University I only just succeeded.

Hubby got through University very quickly and started work as a research assistant aiming for his PhD and later habilitation while I idled along. We did a lot of travelling in allocation with conferences abroad, and we had our friends and parties, but whenever I enjoyed something there was this little bit of guilt sitting in my neck. Whenever we met people who we hadn't seen for a while I had to find reasons and excuses why Detlef already was 3 steps ahead while I only just had started. In the end one Professor kicked my bum - and I finished. I actually have a degree in computer science - sometimes I can't believe it myself.

And my parents were right: It is nice to have something finished. It would just be nice if it were something in which I'm actually good at. Shortly after we moved to England and settled, got the house and the pets which I had missed a lot, but couldn't have in our city flat. I'm working as a secretary in a research lab full of computer scientists - and it's a bit like coming home. It's a service job, the same rules like in our village shop apply. Customer is always the King. That is something I'm good at. Not a career, but something satisfying. And my boss is proud that even his secretary has a degree in computer science - things are falling into place!

Family Life

2010-11-26T22:21:00.000Z

So, I grew up in this tiny hamlet, in a huge house that was the village shop and pub. And this is the environments that shaped the lives of my parents, and hence mine. This is the story of my family life which gives the one or the other insight into how I still see certain things today.

First of all we were a rather traditional family with dad not very much involved in my daily upbringing, mum working hard and granny taking care of me when mum was busy – apart from the fact that everything was very different from other families.

The shop opened at 8 in the morning and closed at 6 at night, what was when the pub opened. There was an official closing time but nobody really bothered and it depended if by 10 at night somebody would still sit there or not. Worst case was when just one guy would stick to his single beer for hours on end, telling drunk stories while my parents were in desperate need for sleep and not even making the well deserved income.

During the mid 60s teenagers and housewives got their own cars and started exploring other options of getting their supplies and evening entertainment. In 1966 for the famous FIFA World Cup game we even got our first TV set (b&w) in the hope to draw in some customers.

Thus money was in short supply, given that the house was old and needed repairs and updating, unexpected expenses were mushrooming all the time, and my parents used rather different strategies to work around these problems. My father, an extremely intelligent man with a photographic memory and huge creative skill, never had the chance to go to school and was a bricky. He could literally build everything and use any tool whether it was for brick, metal or woodwork. My mum was a sales assistant who learned as she went along. Hence my dad was a bit of a dreamer, while my mum kept her feet firmly on the ground.

Dad approached fiscal matters in attempting to earn more money by building an own business, or by saving money by doing all the building work himself. Hence we owned our own ice-cream machine, a scaffolding which he had designed and built, and which could be erected by one man within an hour, and we had a beautiful built-in kitchen with loads of little practical gadgets. However, these projects usually ended in negative equity because it is incredibly hard to build a business from nothing, and the time spent on the building work often didn’t turn out to be the equivalent of a good salary. Some of his rather visionary projects couldn’t even be finished due to lack of resource.

My mum just stopped spending and counted the pennies. And she let me help! A few years ago when we were in holidays she apologised for having too much responsibility loaded on my shoulders at an early age, and I hardly understood what she meant. I loved the times when I was allowed to help her sort through the bank account statements, learning to understand the numbers. We would sit at the huge kitchen table where it was warm and cosy, with all the paperwork in front of us, sorting them by date and piling them nicely. It was like laying a puzzle, just for a real purpose.

All too often money was so short that towards the end of the month she asked me to cash a check, because at the bank they usually wouldn’t send a child away, saving her the embarrassment - bless the times where the cashier was a guy from the upper village, usually having a drink in our pub at the weekends.

End 1973 we had to close down and mum got an office job. Money eventually came flowing more steadily, but dept from the house was still pressing. I was 13 then and I was still kept in the picture. I knew how big the mortgage was, and once in a while towards the end of the month mum would ask if I had a bit of my pocket money left over to add to the household budget. The money saved for my girls-room furniture went into an operation for our dog, and instead of attending a school trip, I prepared my first seminar lecture for my class mates as atonement.

I was a normal girl and my mum and I had our differences about other stuff – like teenagers do - but for me to know that I could help out with the few pennies I owned, forged a strong bond. Whatever happened: I was an important part of this family, and hence I never felt embarrassed to admit that I didn’t have the money for certain things.

Well, and my mum worked hard as she always did, kept counting her pennies, and became a successful business woman together with her new husband. My dad unfortunately didn’t get that lucky. Although he always worked as hard, he never brought it to a moderate wealth and the house is still under debt. And you know me. I’m living quite comfortably together with hubby – still counting my pennies. From my dad I learned that almost everything is possible. I see opportunities everywhere and never run out of ideas, and from my mum I learned to take on the reasonable choices.

Unfortunately their relationship was not to last and their very different approach to solving financial problems had a lot to do with it. However, looking back I realise, that they just didn’t know that they both had very powerful tools at their hands, and hence they were not able to bring them together. Thus I fell blessed that I had the opportunity to learn from the both of them!

Birds, Bees and Flowers

2010-11-26T22:07:00.000Z

I knew from rather early on where the babies are coming from. My mom was super-cool about this while my dad vanished into the background. From him I only got one piece of education in all my life. When I, age 16, wanted to go to a fun fair with my then boy friend who was a farmer’s son, I asked my mum if I could go. She probably thought: That is an easy enough thing, let’s get dad involved!

“I don’t mind, but go ask your dad. He is cleaning the car right now. Go and help him, that’s a good way to go about it.” Smart woman, off I went bursting out after a while: “Ahhh…hem, daddy? There is this fun fair and Helmut asked me out – you know the guy from the dance lesson. He has a car and he promised to bring me back by 10.”

Response number one: Looong silence

C’mon say something; can’t be so hard to find an answer to that! Or ask more questions, that always is a good tactic to gain time.

Eventually, response number two (very well thought through): ‘I don’t mind if you want to marry a farmer, but first do your A levels!’

Stuck for words I said: ‘OK’... I quickly finished my task to then go and tell my mom that instead of going to the fun fair I would now marry that bloke since I got the blessing of my father. She got a bit worried regarding his parenting skills and hence any further education stayed with her. I wonder if that was his way of getting rid of us. A rather typical male behaviour: Do something badly and women will never ask you to do it again.

My mum started my sex education around the age of five. Oh she was good – horrible, but good. She always addresses things oh so bluntly. I will never forget that she used to start a conversation on 'how babies are made' while I was sorting cutlery into a drawer. THAT was the best sorted cutlery drawer, ever! However, I was in the full picture by the age of 14. Not just about the technical bits, oh no – I was well informed about the possible emotional by-load as well. I knew that guys sometimes can’t get it up and the possible reasons, and that then the role of a woman is to comfort him. Oh yeah guys: Pity for you that I don’t have more sisters.

When I was eight I had a heated discussion with my friend who was two years older than me and still believing in the stork – truly!

“Mummy, she doesn’t believe me!”

So my mum went into action, and the poor child sitting at a table had to listen to her straight – no cutlery to the rescue. Rather flabbergasted she left and the matter was never touched again. My first kiss was equally embarrassing. My parents always allowed me to drink in their presence, but never when I was out alone. ‘Get your experience child, but in a safe environment. Later when we won’t be able to take care of you, you need to know what to expect.’ A very smart approach and I happily complied.

Big party at my parent’s friend’s house which was under refurbishment. There was a first floor finished apartment where the party took place and a second floor empty space where we had our sleeping bags. Little Rika, age 14 fell into the punch pot and was rather tipsily drawn to one of the two boys at the party. Using our last few brain cells available we sneaked upstairs and engaged in heavy snogging. Until we heard the doorbell ringing. Well it was more like a weird noise baffled by cotton wool. We stumbled our way to the door and opened only to stand face to face with mum. She was standing two steps down on the staircase and looked straight into my swimming eyes.

Did you kiss?

Ehemm, yeah…

Using tongue?

Ehemm, yeah…

Hmmm, off you go now, downstairs! Both of you! And there you stay!

And so it went on. Every single of my boyfriends had to endure her openness. And would you believe it? They loved her, she was cool mum. Things were allowed within reason as long as there was no secrecy. So she carried my personal education through until today, really. Except that these days the roles are changing at times. She is in her second marriage and I am the more experienced wife – at least in numbers of years stuck with one husband. Well, cool mums make good friends!

Little Rika

2010-11-26T21:06:00.002Z

Oh, my childhood was so blessed!

I grew up in a tiny village - just 250 people - in the middle of former West Germany. A village with two churches and two pubs one of which we owned, and a village shop which we owned as well. So for my parents it was work 24/7 and for me it was freedom. My mum sometimes feels a bit guilty because she didn't have the time for me like other mums had, and money was always a bit on the short side so that she couldn't really spoil me. For me it was bliss! My playground was the whole village including the fields surrounding it.

Other children had these chipboard/plastic toy shops - I actually had one of those, too - but I preferred the real thing. I loved to help filling the shelves and my first math skills I learned from serving people in the shop. And I loved to help in the pub. Cleaning the beer tap and pipes was funny. To see a little sponge dashing around like mad - and off it goes into the other direction again. I think we had the cleanest pipes of all pubs. I had great parties because the house and garden was huge.

And hide and seek really WAS hide and seek. It had a cellar, a huge dance floor (the house actually is L-shaped) and attic and some areas were really old and cobwebbed with squeaky doors. I was strongly forbidden to go there, but of course I had to investigate - and of course I got caught due to the cobweb all over my hair.

We always had dogs and cats and rabbits and a guinea pig once. My mum was member of the German equivalent of the RSPCA. So we sometimes had injured birds of prey. I remember a buzzard called Bruno who got injured when trapped in barb wire. My mum operated him on the kitchen table and when we released him into the wild again we still could recognise him by his drooping wing.

And we had Greif, a hawk with a broken beak from a car accident. We needed several days to find out that a beak grows back - no Internet at these times. Apparently it grew back so strong that he could chew his rope and escaped without being seen again.

School went uneventful, loved biology and chemistry, not really good at math and languages. Made my A levels better than expected and left home to go to University in Braunschweig to study Chemistry.

And from there
	it
		went
			a
				little
					bit
						downhill

Rika's Personal Page

2010-11-26T19:45:00.002Z

You will find that I am a rather traditional girl. For example, at about the age when the picture to the left was taken I got a pendant from a dear friend of my mum which I still have and occasionally wear.

Probably that is why I have this obsession with shoes?!

I just love old stuff and I love to know how people did things in the old days. I have quite a lot of interests so that my early stages of adulthood didn't go as straight as my parents would have hoped, for the simple reason that I couldn't really decide what to do with my life.

So I took a few U-turns and got stuck from time to time, but looking back I wouldn't want to miss a thing. Every situation I got myself into taught me another lesson which I'm thriving on today. If everything would have gone absolutely straight as every parent would hope for their children, I only would have half the skills I call my own today, and I wouldn't be the person I am.

When I was in my early twenties and very depressed because I felt that I wasn't good enough to finish anything, my father in law, one of the most brilliant people I've ever known in my life, told me:

There are two types of people in the world. One are the nerds. They know one thing very very well, but the rest of life is fading into obliviousness for them. They shine because they do intelligent stuff, write papers, win academic prices and so on, they make their parents happy because they always will have a job and they don't have to worry anymore. But nerds always need a support system of people taking care of their social life and making sure that they find something to eat in the fridge.

And there are the dilettantes. They only know a little bit of everything, but nothing very well. They don't shine because they are never good enough in one thing to win a price. Nevertheless, they are holding society together. Usually you don't have to be brilliant to get something done, half the skill is good enough. So these people are flexible and they can improvise. The wide range of interests helps them bring things together and enables them to learn something new very quickly.

And then he officially declared me a 'Dilettante'.

Although this might be a bit strange way of looking at it - I loved this idea. And I still proudly admit to being a dilettante. Actually it turned out that coupling the combination nerd-dilettante is a quite promising one. His nerdy son and I had our silver anniversary in 2009 and we compliment each other in the best of ways. He can have his head in the clouds as long as he wants. As long as I keep the feet on the ground we own the world together!